GO RED!!

Wear Red for Womens heart health and talk to your girlfriends and family members.  HEART DISEASE IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER OF WOMEN!!  

Thank you Tim Gunn and Project Runway for bringing this to the spotlight!   I really want a great red dress one day!!  (Hint Ravan, shirlee, anyone)

OH! The places you will go!

This year I was blessed beyond words to visit Israel as part of a "Pilgrimage for Spiritual Renewal".   I just kept thinking (over and over) I can't believe I'm doing this!!  I could NEVER have imagined such a blessing and would NEVER have had the physical stamina for such a journey.   The vantage point from the Mount of Beatitudes was the perfect place to say thank you - yep - what happened there really did make a difference. . . and STILL does!  Jim was one of our leaders and he too is a survivor. . . there is some special bond among those who have experienced heart surgery and proudly wear "the zipper".   There is a wisdom that comes with "borrowed time" and extended life.   Thank you seems inadequate but sometimes its the best prayer at all.   I was asked to serve communion to my fellow sojourners at "the garden tomb".    He said - - - Every time you do this. . . . REMEMBER. . . . . Oh I pray I never forget.

Happy Heart Day 1

We celebrated the first anniversary of my new heart with great joy and celebration!   The day is so near my birthday yet somehow Happy Heart Day seems more important!  I think thats true of our spirits as well. . . .We are always much more grateful for the second chance than we are the First!!!  Ahhhh Grace!

We went to the Ohio State Fair and ate wonderful fair food and saw wonderful exhibits including a giant butter sculpture.   We watched the draft teams pull beautiful wagons and found a perfect grassy spot for a picnic in the midst of it all.    Everything seems so much richer when you value the gift of each day.   I am so grateful!!    Happy Heart day ya'll!!!

Take thou Authority. . . . . . . .

How can one year contain so much grace and goodness.  This heart oh God, the one you created, the one you fixed is the one you own and the one who loves you so.  This very heart swells to consider the journey to this place.    The stole I wear was made for me by an amazing artist.  It is made up of small scraps of fabric each one representing a person or a family.  Many are from the congregation I currently serve but many are from people who I have known through the years.  It is truly one of the things I most treasure. . . Each scrap of fabric is different and unique and represents lives so dear.   Some of the stories are so funny and bring back so many joy filled memories.   There is a piece of lace from a wedding dress, a bandana from camp, a youth ministry tshirt.   There is fabric that speaks to the depth and beauty of so many relationships - pieces that sparkle, pieces that are old.  There is a piece of handmade raw silk made by women in Cambodia rescued from the sex trade.  There is 3 beautiful purple flames to represent each of my children and one beautiful gold flame perfectly placed over my heart as a sign of the love of my life and the gift of marriage.  There are scraps that remind of sadness as well.    Each time it is placed around my shoulders I am reminded that the blessing that is upon each of us is the sum total of the amazing ways are lives are so intertwined. . . . the laughter, the love, the tears, the joy.   That is life!  and Life is a gift.  Thank you Thank You thank you

Tavie, no doubt is likely sharing something irreverently inappropriate. . . . exactly why she brings so much joy into my life. .  . one of the most beautiful hearts I know. . . and believe me. . . I know a good heart when I see one.

Extravagant Learnings

I've attempted many times to post "final thoughts". . .

To be honest there hasnt been one defining moment where i might find myself brushing off my hands, closing the book and saying. ."there! Thats done!" I guess i've been waiting for that moment. I suspect, however, that there will always be - one more step and that this journey will never be done. Since that last post MONTHS ago. . there were steps that i was certain to be the crossing finish line of this experience. . . .

I set some physical goals - worked hard almost every day to reach them: Did 3 5k walks in the fall and the Thanksgiving Day 10k. These were personal victories. . . I had never before experienced any level of physical accomplishment - each time i rushed to the car for some display of emotional tear filled breakdown. . ..

I've also learned that I will ALWAYS be a cardiac patient.  Yes, my condition is chronic.  The aneurysm is repaired, the heart valve is clicking away.  Full healthy function requires so many things to be "ideal".   There will always be a few pills every day. . . controlling rate and pressure, clotting, nutrients etc.   There will always be twice yearly appointments for echocardiagrams and check ups to monitor flow and function.  There will always be weekly finger sticks to monitor protime / INR and coumadin dosage. There will always be risk.

I will EVER be a champion for Heart Health and cardiac care!

But simply saying that there will always be articulates a great faith in the gift of what WILL BE.  The confidence of the hope of tomorrow.  The gift of this moment and this day.   I've learned to treasure each breath and offer each heart click as a thank you.

I've learned that

• the greatest blessing comes in surprising ways 
• when you are recovering from major surgery you really need support! (that means good friends and good undergarments!)
• being dependent and in need is the most humbling and sometimes humiliating place to be.  Which is why everyone should be there at least once
• no one is indespensable!  We are not as important as we want to think.  Rest and renewal is for healing - true of our bodies and very true of our soul.
• prayer is the most amazing mystery I know (or at least in the top 5).  I've learned so much about prayer especially that we talk too much and listen too little.
• "being" is more important than "doing"
• meat is good!
• friends dont have to talk. . . sometimes just sharing space is exactly whats called for.
• Hugs are awesome and you should never miss the chance to say I Love you.
• Scars are beautiful!  they really are. . .they tell a story of healing and strength. (however, 70spf is still recommended)

I know there is much more to learn. . . .  so often I am aware that I am able to do things that I could never have been able to do before the aneurysm repair.  So often I'm aware of the blessing of getting to experience anything wonderful at all. . . that my very existence is miraculous.

I'm thankful for so much. . . . . and I'm thankful for you.    Each day is a gift . . . .  .and His love is extravagant.

THANKS GIVING!!

WE DID IT! 


One day when walking the required 1 lap around the back yard in my very large blue plaid pajamas my husband says "your doing great!, If you keep this up you'll be ready for a 10k!"     Now I am pretty sure he was being just a bit sarcastic in response to the huge challenge of a 3 minute walk, but I am one to always jump on a challenge!  DO NOT ever tell me I CAN"T do something.   So I set my mind then that I would walk in the Annual Thanksgiving day 10K as the most awesome way ever to say THANK YOU FOR MY NEW HEART!

WIth the feast fixins' well underway - and a few folk still curled up in bed - Oldest dtr Amy was there at the finish line celebrating the victory of the finish.  (she had finished quite a while earlier but her hug was one of the best trophies ever!)     Yes it was a challenge, but I passed up the Chik filet cow, the flying pig, the guy in hunting boots, the guy in cowboy boots, and the granny's in velour suits and hoop earrings!!   

Today I am more thankful than any thanksgiving I have ever experienced!!!   The clicking heart says thank you / thank you / thank you / thank you.

Hope yours does too!   Happy Thanksgiving friends!!

BRIDGES

I walked in the Bridges Freedom walk 5K. I signed up for this walk because goals motivate me. Walking continues to be an emotional blessing - still finding me in tears with each step further. The Bridges for a Just Community is a great organization- - but new to me. They do wonderful Justice work in the cincinnati area. The walk began and ended at the Freedom Center (which you must see - if you havent) . The route crossed 3 bridges between kentucky and ohio across the Ohio river to recall the journeys of slaves to freedom. Many people in the walk that pulled my heart to more courage - the one man who walked with his legs braced - he walked very slowly - and in moments of obvious pain - finished last - but did it! There was a crowd there at the finish line - cheering and applauding and crying (that was me!) There were the obvious chemo patients - the wheel chairs. I'm reminded that life truly is about courage and strength and will and gratitude and blessing. I don't recall what my time was but i did win a first place medal for my age division (there were only a few! and it wasnt a great time) but I held that medal and cried all the way to the car. I can't believe the gift of this clicking heart! So grateful so grateful!

Still . .

Still Healing. . . much less pain overall, the sternum is still healing, most days I reach a point where the muscles in my chest just ache. .

Still working on Therapeutic levels in the blood. . . Made my first drive to the cardiologists coumadin clinic this past week (post home care). . the level was "pretty close". . . just a minor adjustment in dosage, then back next week for a recheck and a visit with the Nurse practitioner and a stress test.

Speaking of stress test. . .

Still walking. . . almost every day. 3 miles! I missed a day this week because i just felt weak. . . My energy levels come in waves it seems. . .its pretty typical of anyone after major surgery. It is still the most amazing feeling . . this whole experience of getting to be more physically active than I have in years!. . I always walk with the ipod. . its become such a rich time of prayer and worship. .Every day I walk farther, or the inclines seem easier, or the pace is faster. . . I'm so amazed! so grateful! I almost am always weeping by the time I turn the corner and head home.

Still pacing. . . back into 'normal' life. . The first Sunday back to preaching was just about the most amazing blessing ever. . . it was also the longest stretch of activity that I've experienced since the surgery. . up at 6 am, preached 2 services, lots of (very gentle) hugging, Lunch with people I love, a walmart stop and home by 2 pm. . WIPED OUT. . pain meds, jammies on by 3!
I've been surprised at the challenge of just "thinking" - staying concentrated for the work of sermon prep, study, meeting prep, scheduling etc. Those brain cells have been focusing on other things for a while! I drove a few times this past week, short distances and always with the pillow belted in. . certain turns or instances are still a bit painful but its getting easier each time. Hope to take on some longer drives next week. Still will not be able to lift over 5 pounds for over another month!. . . thats even more challenging as the pain lessens. . I find myself reaching for things all the time!

Still in AWE! . . . God is so faithful!

"Touch Base" tuesday

Just touching base - The day to day progess would certainly seem boring or mundane to most but we are celebrating miracles daily! Little things - like standing up straight with diminishing pain, less coughing, higher oxygen levels, therapeutic coumadin levels. The stamina and energy to enjoy all day, every day with rarely a nap is a reality I havent experienced in a long, long time. My first trip to a grocery store in over a month was surreal! I took a daughter with me - to drive and lift - but it was just exciting to be "out"! We were there almost two hours and I was a bit wiped out. . but it is indeed a milestone and another step towards full recovery.

I'm learning that there will continue to be "issues" but not necessarily "setbacks". Over the weekend I experienced some fluid retention and swelling in feet and hands. This required an adjustment in the diuretic dosage. Many of these are common following any surgery - but increased issues in Heart surgery. I'm assured that all of these "issues" are still short term and just part of the journey.

In some way I'm still reminded every day of the fact that it will take some time for the sternum to fully fuse. Coughing, sneezing, change of positions all serve as reminders that I'm 'not there yet'! I did try to drive too far too soon and experienced quite a bit of pain as a result. We dont realize how many muscles we use to do the simplest of things.

One interesting piece of heart valve trivia is the challenge of finding a good vitamin/mineral supplement that doesnt contain vitamin K. I did find one brand name but it didnt include a lot of other things that I need - especially in trying to nurture some "richer" blood. Well some research on the Net revealed a great supplement created by someone with the same needs- its called CLOTAMIN. (of Course!) Ongoing challenges for life will be sources of Vitamin K - even in "healthy" sources - broccoli, spinach, dark greens, cauliflower, and avocados. These really are some of my favorites - but eating these challenge the ability to keep meds at therapeutic levels.

Today was another milestone in the journey as I had my last Home Care visit. I'll now make at least weekly trips to the doctors office to monitor Coumadin level (at least until I'm approved for the home monitor in 90 days).

5 weeks ago I was weak, fatiqued, and short of breath walking from the car to the door. I'm now walking 2.5 miles every day and increasing distance, speed, and stamina every day. Its the most amazing feeling!

I received my valve implant ID card in the mail today from St. Jude Medical. Another fascinating point is the sound and clicking of the mechanical valve. The
straighter I stand the louder it is. Not everyone can hear it but some can hear it very clearly, and some are very creeped out by it! Mostly I think its the most wonderful sound ever - because it means new and extended life - however, in the moments of trying to sleep it can be quite the distraction! We've had some laughs wondering if my clip on microphone at church will pick up the clicking sound through the sound system. . If so, we'll have to make sure that all hymns are played in rhythm to a pulse rate of 68-72!

This Sunday 9/7 I will return to preaching and worship. It was my goal when I first met with the surgeon. I've missed the experience of worship but have experienced the body of Christ, the church in a most beautiful way. I am so excited to be in the midst of these I love, who have loved in such generous ways. The last time I was there we shared communion - it was so emotional for me. I love them so much! This Sunday will be a re- gathering around a meal of grace! I'm suspecting that potentially the "sermon" will just be me standing there crying tears of grace and gratitude!


So much to give thanks for today! God's grace is so generous, so extravagant!

Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes. Romans 11:33

Wednesday Wrap Up

Feeling better today. Chest X ray was clear, but antibiotics have kicked in. still having some coughing fits that cause pain. No fevers today and feeling stronger. Blood Pressure is great - (like a teenager - said the nurse!) and heart rate strong and healthy. Energy still a bit zapped. Monday and tuesday wiped me out.

Visit with Cariologists assistant today went well. Some blood results back. . .some levels are still a little low - which is not unusual after such major surgery and 3 transfusions. Still a bit anemic. Still have lower immunity tools. I must learn greater and greater patience. . I thought I might be "released". . however there are still a few appointments yet to come. .3 weeks from now with the assistant again. . and then to determine Cardiac Rehab. I'm determined to spend the next 3 weeks surpassing the capabilities of Cardiac Rehab. It would be quite a lot of driving 3 times a week for 6 weeks. IF I can accomplish the goals independently then I can be excused. I'll have a stress test in a few weeks, another followup with the Surgeon, a full exam - appointment with the cardiologist, a process of approval for the home protime monitor, and a training class, and and echo cardiogram in 2 months just to look at the valve and heart flow. Right now the heart is a bit enlarged but this again is very typical after surgery and no cause for alarm. Driving will come very very slowly and cautiously because of the continued healing of the sternum. I'll be hitchin rides for a while. . . good thing there are a few drivers in the house.

While the guys in the house were stepping back into the world of football coaching this evening. . I geared up and walked the indoor track at the school. I did a very solid/strong 35 minutes in a therapeutic target heart range. Felt Awesome. would never even attempted it 5 weeks ago.

Food and I are still trying to work things out. . So much that I liked before does not taste good at all. . This is very common after such a major medical procedure. Sometimes it all comes back to before and sometimes it doesnt - so i'm told. I'm relearning everything and trying different things just to see if it tastes good at all. Lowfat Cottage Cheese was a great snack today but even the peaches were too sweet. I still love shrimp but the batter is too sweet. The only drink I can swallow is water water water and lots of it. A sip of koolaid made me shudder. other things that I cant eat right now because of taste are: sweet bread, cola, cookies, ice cream, any desserts, almost all fruit, cole slaw, sweet salad dressings, ketchup (oh my dear old friend ketchup!, pizza - Some things that I Love right now are: eggs, salads with very little dressing, peanut butter on wheat grain crackers, tuna salad, mmmmm bacon, roast, potatoes, grilled cheese, chicken noodle soup, almonds, sunflower seeds, and plain cheerios.

Just for a point of fascinating heart surgery trivia: We received the Insurance statement for the hospital today. . . The hospital admission alone was almost $84,000. and our insurance paid every penny. All the bills are coming in and our eyes widen when we see the cost. still have no idea what our own bottom line out of pocket might be. . but already the statements have well surpassed $100k. .amazing amazing amazing.

I know that you can't put a price on health, a restored heart, a hopeful future. . . but apparently the health care providers can. . . and it AINT CHEAP!

Thank YOU again and always for your faithful prayer and encouragment!

Peace to you and yours this night!

2 steps forward . . . . 1 step back. . . (or the post asking for more prayer please)

its been a few days of moving forward and stepping back. . . of course thats still progress!

Sunday was the best day ever... I walked a full mile early in the morning before the heat hit. . .we were blessed to share a meal with friends that we miss so much. . .So encouraging! BUT THEN.

I woke monday morning before 5a.m. just "sick". . cold sweat, chills, pain in chest. .then came lots and lots of coughing. . which of course is excruciating with an unhealed sternum. I hadnt needed to take the Heavy Pain Stuff for a few days. . but it was needful for the coughing and to bring the fever down. . . Later morning was more bearable. . a wonderful visit from my dear Heather. A home care visit from someone who had no idea why they were there nor what they were doing. . . confirmed the low grade temp. Through the day and into the night the temp increased into a full on fever. and coughing increased.

ANOTHER home care nurse had to come this morning to do do what the other one didnt and draw some blood. Blood is too thin. she reported to the surgeons office who set a full 5- 6 hours of events in motion. Stat orders of Xray's to rule out pneumonia, blood work to check for infections. . a visit to the primary care physician for a good "once over". . . (who then also ordered more labwork) eventually some prescriptions were ordered although we're still waiting on test results. .

So much is frustrating and hard about health care sometimes. . How someone in pain, and feverish must endure such a confusing system - what deepening empathy for chronically ill and elderly we have. One doctor sent us to another doctor and faxed lab orders. . however, the one doctor doesnt use the lab thats next door, or closest but only 2 in the whole county. The one doctor wrote a prescription but the pharmacy wouldnt fill it until they talked to the other doctor because of interactions. . . the patient couldnt take anything for pain, infection, cough, relief until the labwork was done. We arrived at the lab - several miles from the doctor, the house, the pharmacy at 11:50 only to learn that they are closed for lunch from 11:30 - 1 pm. so we went back to pharmacy to find we still cant pick up meds. . . The other doctor had added some additional lab tests so 2 doctors several lab orders at a lab i'd never been. . . and had to wait an hour and a half to get to meant filling out the same form 3 times, and then registering for the x ray with 3 people who hadnt figured out the new computer system and cursed, and talked about your tests and you in front of you. . . all while you are feeling weaker by the minute. . . It took us another hour and a half just to get blood drawn (2 sticks) and an xray. . . We drove the several miles back to the pharmacy to finally pick up the antibiotic ordered by one doc and approved by another. . . We may not have all the lab results back until tomorrow at this point. but they went ahead and ordered meds to treat as if pneumonia. Just to keep things interesting I already had scheduled an appointment with yet another doctor tomorrow (cardiologist check in)!

So Now. . I'm home, I've taken the antibiotic, the coughmeds, the pain pills, and all sorts of other things, the PJs are waiting and I've got some resting to do. We'll update when we know more.

Here's my hope. . . I'll be resting. . . You be praying.

James 5:16
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Field Trips

As I write this on Friday morning. . its my first day Home Alone! While I couldnt be more excited. . it also feels a bit strange. This has been a week full of new, but very small, ventures. On Wednesday morning we took our walk and then a short drive to Bob Evans for a great breakfast of wonderful protein of course! We went to another store to check out some heart rate monitors - ( i know I know - we live on the edge!) I start out the days so strong but after about 2 hours I was asking about the time because I just felt wiped out. We returned home and only a few minutes seated found my sleeping sound. It had already been a BIG day for the patient!

Getting in the car is quite the process. . .my husbands truck requires a stool as I'm not allowed to use my hands or arms to pull or push myself. I have opted for the wonderful Heart pillow from Ikea. . . .Not only does it provide the coughing, sneezing, moving support I need but it also has great arms and real-sized hands to hug people who visit. The Pillow must be between my chest and the seat belt for quite some time.

Each morning when I wake I feel a bit more encouraged as the pain in the sternum is just a bit less. . . By Wednesday I had developed a "new Pain" that was a bit concerning. Just right of the incision I experienced very sharp, deep pain with every deep breath. Wednesday night was another sleepless night. .. no position or drug could bring relief. Thursdays big adventure was my prescheduled appointment with the Surgeon. After establishing that the sternum was still wired securely he went on to explain how many things were cut, and spread, and shifted - all for the work of repairing the heart. This particular pain comes from muscle spasms and healing of the major pectoral muscles which , like many other things were cut and reattached during the process of surgery. As I heal and am able to stand straighter and take deeper breaths different muscles will be used again for the first time. . . Turns out he was able to map out a whole journey of pains yet to come in this healing process....Healing of the heart requires pain and healing in the whole body! - (that will preach!)

Because the new valve is mechanical I will be on anticoagulation therapy the rest of my life. We're still working on correct dosages to maintain therapeutic levels. After 90 days we can apply for insurance approval of a home test kit- this is something I deeply hope for. One weekly fingerstick at home is so much better than a needle stick blood draw at the lab every week. There are about 5 pills that I take daily that will discontinue in one week! - all signs of progress! I couldnt be more pleased with the healing of the incision - its about 10 inches long down the center of my chest but was "glued" together not stitched or stapled or duct taped. We've been walking 2 x daily - i've worked up to 1/2 mile each time so one mile every day. Dr. Cook called me an overachiever - so probably wont have to go through a cardiac rehab program. (I'm still wondering if that was an insult or compliment!). I check in with my cardiologist next week for more recovery stuff! Now - the walks are not sprints by any means. The weather this week has made it very challenging to find the right time. . .heat is not good - and i'm not to be out when its over 80 - yesterday reached 93 - and eliminated an evening walk.

The surgeon explained to me in greater detail with diagrams the amazing work of this dacron graft that secured the aneurysm and attaches to the new valve. An "average" aortic root is 2 cm . . when the aneurysm was discovered mine measured 4.9 - we were able to keep that stable for more than 5 years! When i went into surgery the root measured near 6 cm and was in rupture range. Because I am adopted and have no medical history - there are several theories and possible reasons as to the "why" . . but none that can really be substantiated. Typically these conditions occur genetically - sometimes involving a larger connective tissue disorder. - sometimes involving larger "syndromes". We've been advised to complete full cardiac workups on each of our kids - and told that I will continue to be monitored annually for any new signs of weakening.

BUT for now I have a new heart! A bionic valve that thrills me with the sound and feel of strong beats through my chest! I have a tightly wrapped 2 cm aortic root! From the moment of knowing of the surgery my goal has been to return to preaching at the wonderful Waynesville UMC the first Sunday of September. "Thats only a month after surgery!" states the surgeon. . "Yes, which is why we better get movin!" states the patient. This is a day that is the culmination of much dreaming, visioning, and planning - as new worship times, styles, etc begin. I wont be "lifting" until mid october, Driving is yet to be determined, I certainly wont be back full speed but am so looking forward to our celebration of God's goodness that sunday around a table of grace on September 7. . (my pillow will be doing lots of hugging!)

Today I have prayers to pray, notes to write, books to read and wonderful DVD's to enjoy. Thank you ever seems inadequate in response to the many gifts of encouragment, grace, and love. . . the food!, the cleaning, the notes, the pictures! - My heart is overwhelmed and humbled beyond words!

Before you sign off.. .take just a moment, press your hand against your chest, and just listen! - feel the miracle of the blood moving through your body! Be amazed! and be in AWE! of this Gift of Life - Each beat is a gift - may the beat of your heart, guide the rhythm of your day, and may every breath be offered as gift to the Giver of Life. - - - May every beat, every breath, every step be an offering of thanksgiving to the ONE THAT LOVES you so.

No wonder my heart is glad, and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope. Acts 2:26