Friday Night Heart Beats

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. Luke 10:27

I've considered most recently the appropriateness of these words for these moments. Truly the call to every breath we offer throughout our life - but also a very accurate picture of these days of recovery.


MY HEART: Maybe not the heart indicated by scripture but the Heart update is this: All is well. All vital signs continue to remind us each day that there has been an amazing physical work of healing done. Blood pressure is in normal range - which alone is so energizing. temp / heart rate / fluid loss - all good. The scars are healing nicely. I have some stitches that will be removed when I see the surgeon again next week. The greatest pain of course is and will continue to be in the sternum / breast bone that has been wired back together. . . coughs and sneezes and sudden moves are so painful. Even in small things such as pushing the soap pump causes pressure in the chest. The healing of this bone to full fusion can take 6 - 8 weeks.

Healing God, This heart is fragile, and a bit patched up. Its not the typical heart, and doesnt fully resemble the one that you created. . . but oh God it is so eager. This patched up heart dreams of things that the former heart could never consider. . . this whole heart Loves you and knows that every beat is a gift from you.

My SOUL: Some have told me that as difficult as the "being still" may be that this time has all the potential of a rich transforming work in the soul. My soul swells in ways that words can not articulate. I sit and consider such things as close calls, and lost energy, human limitations, so many things - ALL through this filter of God's Love and Grace. and my soul leaps, I weep. I will ever be amazed at the beauty of the Body of Christ. . . I ache at times in the discomfort of such unfamiliar roles of dependency. I am filled with gratitude for those I share this journey of faith with and am so anxious to see. . . My soul has been soothed and strengthened by cards, notes, calls, flowers, food, handmade prayers (as pictured above) in many forms. There have been crayon drawings of children, and the shaky penmanship of the dear praying saints. I hear stories of great faith being lived out in the place that calls me pastor and I am thrilled beyond words. I will sit here while I must, I am not resenting this time - in fact embracing such holy moments and the ever clear voice of God.

Transforming God, This soul has been weary, this soul knows sadness and discouragement, and recently fear. This soul feels awkwardness at its current place of constantly receiving. . But this Soul Loves You, Oh how this soul loves you. . . .and yearns for all that you will send its way.

MY STRENGTH: Each day I feel stronger. I am doing breathing exercises and walking 3 - 4 times daily . Todays goal was 3 - 6 minute walks. We have a 4 week chart that increases endurance each day. I dont have a treadmill so we do some rough estimates. Mostly i've been walking laps around the back yard. Yesterday each walk was 3 laps. and today 4 laps. Walking is great time for praying. At the far back right corner of the yard is a fire pit. . . each time I turn that corner I remember the time earlier this summer with the UM Interns and the feelings of joy and hope as they shared their hearts and dreams around the camp fire. I pray for them and the ministries they live, I pray for the Church. I pray for my family and the memories made in this place. I pray for our friends that have so blessed our lives. . . I see tomato plants, and baby watermelons. . and I pray for the hungry. . . with each prayer and each step.. my heart beats stronger. Food that tastes good and Sleep longer than 3 hours are still areas to tackle but each day my strength is renewed. . and each day is better.

Restoring God, This body feels weak, simple things seem difficult. This body is battered, and bruised, stitched together, and slow, weak, and sometimes in pain.. . .But every pore in its being loves you, this body knows of the gift of your healing.

MY MIND: I've been surprised by my shorter attention span, yearning for quite more than movies and TV. My soul will not allow my mind to tackle or even consider the stack of books related to "church work" or begin to send and respond to emails regarding fall programmng, planning, schedules, etc. Soon enough mind, soon enough! (you havent been home a week remember!) My soul has convinced my mind of the value and gift of this time. My mind is thinking about so much. . like what to write on websites. My mind is so busy considering how it is that this soul, this heart, and strength are so interconnected and intertwined. This mind is moving in ways like never before. . it is a fertile time for the thinking type - so much to ponder.

All Knowing God - This mind is spinning with possibility. Sometimes I want to have everything figured out. So often I want to know exactly what your up to! I want to understand why and how things happened as they did. But the more I know of You, the more I know there is more that I want to know! This Mind seeks understanding and wisdom and loves you more deeply with each thought.

God of Grace - thank you for the one that reads this and travels with us in prayer and thought and love - your gifts of grace to us embodied - as friends. - -- there is none more rich.

PEACE TO YOU AND YOURS