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Lots of great links and info.  Happy Heart Health month

Lord You have my Heart

Well,  I'm reminded again of the fragility of these earthly vessels. . . . I made some attempt to sneak in and out of the hospital for a minor lapro procedure. . supposed to be home by noon on Monday. . . HOWEVER,   the reality of the coumadin required to keep the metal heart valve from sticking means that forever life will be unpredictable!!   By monday evening I was spiraling very close to death due to blood loss and decreased pressure and vitals.   6 days in ICU and 5 transfusions, and weeks of bruising and pain find me once again so mindful of how quickly things change in our life and how valuable the gift of each moment is.  I am so grateful for the knowing of peace in such places.    This time in the same place with the same staff felt different.  I was simply very weak. . .did not have the pain of severed bones.   The primary task was simply to rest and regain strength.  Through the week the room took on a role of joy in a place of healing.   Nurses would sit bedside on their breaks just to talk and share stories of life and faith.  Lots of great conversation about church stuff both good and bad and all the baggage so many carry because of both.  One of my doctors set in my recliner while she waited for the call to deliver the baby upstairs. .. so much wonderful conversation of birth and life and blessing and womens health and motherhood.  My room was a great place for friends to gather for late night snacks and the Reds game.  The side of the bed became a place for prayer more than once.  The lady that cleaned the room was always singing and we always shared words and smiles.   For several weeks I had been crying out for peace, for solitude, for communion with the very one who holds my sometimes fragile heart.   There in a unit designed to for intensive care came the very intensive care of the Spirit that so brings healing.

HAPPY HEART DAY 2!!!

Happy Heart Day Everyone!!   2nd anniversary of the heart work that saved my life and changed it forever!  We're laying low this year. . this heat is quite challenging.   Stop a moment to give thanks for your very heart beat.. . . maybe wear red, and also check out the American Heart Association Site. . . . its so important!    Cardiovascular disease is no respector of persons!  it strikes the healthiest of people and hits in very unsuspecting ways.   Defects often go undetected.  Please take care of your heart!


AMERICAN HEART ASSOCIATION

GO RED!!

Wear Red for Womens heart health and talk to your girlfriends and family members.  HEART DISEASE IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER OF WOMEN!!  

Thank you Tim Gunn and Project Runway for bringing this to the spotlight!   I really want a great red dress one day!!  (Hint Ravan, shirlee, anyone)

OH! The places you will go!

This year I was blessed beyond words to visit Israel as part of a "Pilgrimage for Spiritual Renewal".   I just kept thinking (over and over) I can't believe I'm doing this!!  I could NEVER have imagined such a blessing and would NEVER have had the physical stamina for such a journey.   The vantage point from the Mount of Beatitudes was the perfect place to say thank you - yep - what happened there really did make a difference. . . and STILL does!  Jim was one of our leaders and he too is a survivor. . . there is some special bond among those who have experienced heart surgery and proudly wear "the zipper".   There is a wisdom that comes with "borrowed time" and extended life.   Thank you seems inadequate but sometimes its the best prayer at all.   I was asked to serve communion to my fellow sojourners at "the garden tomb".    He said - - - Every time you do this. . . . REMEMBER. . . . . Oh I pray I never forget.

Happy Heart Day 1

We celebrated the first anniversary of my new heart with great joy and celebration!   The day is so near my birthday yet somehow Happy Heart Day seems more important!  I think thats true of our spirits as well. . . .We are always much more grateful for the second chance than we are the First!!!  Ahhhh Grace!

We went to the Ohio State Fair and ate wonderful fair food and saw wonderful exhibits including a giant butter sculpture.   We watched the draft teams pull beautiful wagons and found a perfect grassy spot for a picnic in the midst of it all.    Everything seems so much richer when you value the gift of each day.   I am so grateful!!    Happy Heart day ya'll!!!

Take thou Authority. . . . . . . .

How can one year contain so much grace and goodness.  This heart oh God, the one you created, the one you fixed is the one you own and the one who loves you so.  This very heart swells to consider the journey to this place.    The stole I wear was made for me by an amazing artist.  It is made up of small scraps of fabric each one representing a person or a family.  Many are from the congregation I currently serve but many are from people who I have known through the years.  It is truly one of the things I most treasure. . . Each scrap of fabric is different and unique and represents lives so dear.   Some of the stories are so funny and bring back so many joy filled memories.   There is a piece of lace from a wedding dress, a bandana from camp, a youth ministry tshirt.   There is fabric that speaks to the depth and beauty of so many relationships - pieces that sparkle, pieces that are old.  There is a piece of handmade raw silk made by women in Cambodia rescued from the sex trade.  There is 3 beautiful purple flames to represent each of my children and one beautiful gold flame perfectly placed over my heart as a sign of the love of my life and the gift of marriage.  There are scraps that remind of sadness as well.    Each time it is placed around my shoulders I am reminded that the blessing that is upon each of us is the sum total of the amazing ways are lives are so intertwined. . . . the laughter, the love, the tears, the joy.   That is life!  and Life is a gift.  Thank you Thank You thank you

Tavie, no doubt is likely sharing something irreverently inappropriate. . . . exactly why she brings so much joy into my life. .  . one of the most beautiful hearts I know. . . and believe me. . . I know a good heart when I see one.

Extravagant Learnings

I've attempted many times to post "final thoughts". . .

To be honest there hasnt been one defining moment where i might find myself brushing off my hands, closing the book and saying. ."there! Thats done!" I guess i've been waiting for that moment. I suspect, however, that there will always be - one more step and that this journey will never be done. Since that last post MONTHS ago. . there were steps that i was certain to be the crossing finish line of this experience. . . .

I set some physical goals - worked hard almost every day to reach them: Did 3 5k walks in the fall and the Thanksgiving Day 10k. These were personal victories. . . I had never before experienced any level of physical accomplishment - each time i rushed to the car for some display of emotional tear filled breakdown. . ..

I've also learned that I will ALWAYS be a cardiac patient.  Yes, my condition is chronic.  The aneurysm is repaired, the heart valve is clicking away.  Full healthy function requires so many things to be "ideal".   There will always be a few pills every day. . . controlling rate and pressure, clotting, nutrients etc.   There will always be twice yearly appointments for echocardiagrams and check ups to monitor flow and function.  There will always be weekly finger sticks to monitor protime / INR and coumadin dosage. There will always be risk.

I will EVER be a champion for Heart Health and cardiac care!

But simply saying that there will always be articulates a great faith in the gift of what WILL BE.  The confidence of the hope of tomorrow.  The gift of this moment and this day.   I've learned to treasure each breath and offer each heart click as a thank you.

I've learned that

• the greatest blessing comes in surprising ways 
• when you are recovering from major surgery you really need support! (that means good friends and good undergarments!)
• being dependent and in need is the most humbling and sometimes humiliating place to be.  Which is why everyone should be there at least once
• no one is indespensable!  We are not as important as we want to think.  Rest and renewal is for healing - true of our bodies and very true of our soul.
• prayer is the most amazing mystery I know (or at least in the top 5).  I've learned so much about prayer especially that we talk too much and listen too little.
• "being" is more important than "doing"
• meat is good!
• friends dont have to talk. . . sometimes just sharing space is exactly whats called for.
• Hugs are awesome and you should never miss the chance to say I Love you.
• Scars are beautiful!  they really are. . .they tell a story of healing and strength. (however, 70spf is still recommended)

I know there is much more to learn. . . .  so often I am aware that I am able to do things that I could never have been able to do before the aneurysm repair.  So often I'm aware of the blessing of getting to experience anything wonderful at all. . . that my very existence is miraculous.

I'm thankful for so much. . . . . and I'm thankful for you.    Each day is a gift . . . .  .and His love is extravagant.

THANKS GIVING!!

WE DID IT! 


One day when walking the required 1 lap around the back yard in my very large blue plaid pajamas my husband says "your doing great!, If you keep this up you'll be ready for a 10k!"     Now I am pretty sure he was being just a bit sarcastic in response to the huge challenge of a 3 minute walk, but I am one to always jump on a challenge!  DO NOT ever tell me I CAN"T do something.   So I set my mind then that I would walk in the Annual Thanksgiving day 10K as the most awesome way ever to say THANK YOU FOR MY NEW HEART!

WIth the feast fixins' well underway - and a few folk still curled up in bed - Oldest dtr Amy was there at the finish line celebrating the victory of the finish.  (she had finished quite a while earlier but her hug was one of the best trophies ever!)     Yes it was a challenge, but I passed up the Chik filet cow, the flying pig, the guy in hunting boots, the guy in cowboy boots, and the granny's in velour suits and hoop earrings!!   

Today I am more thankful than any thanksgiving I have ever experienced!!!   The clicking heart says thank you / thank you / thank you / thank you.

Hope yours does too!   Happy Thanksgiving friends!!

BRIDGES

I walked in the Bridges Freedom walk 5K. I signed up for this walk because goals motivate me. Walking continues to be an emotional blessing - still finding me in tears with each step further. The Bridges for a Just Community is a great organization- - but new to me. They do wonderful Justice work in the cincinnati area. The walk began and ended at the Freedom Center (which you must see - if you havent) . The route crossed 3 bridges between kentucky and ohio across the Ohio river to recall the journeys of slaves to freedom. Many people in the walk that pulled my heart to more courage - the one man who walked with his legs braced - he walked very slowly - and in moments of obvious pain - finished last - but did it! There was a crowd there at the finish line - cheering and applauding and crying (that was me!) There were the obvious chemo patients - the wheel chairs. I'm reminded that life truly is about courage and strength and will and gratitude and blessing. I don't recall what my time was but i did win a first place medal for my age division (there were only a few! and it wasnt a great time) but I held that medal and cried all the way to the car. I can't believe the gift of this clicking heart! So grateful so grateful!

Still . .

Still Healing. . . much less pain overall, the sternum is still healing, most days I reach a point where the muscles in my chest just ache. .

Still working on Therapeutic levels in the blood. . . Made my first drive to the cardiologists coumadin clinic this past week (post home care). . the level was "pretty close". . . just a minor adjustment in dosage, then back next week for a recheck and a visit with the Nurse practitioner and a stress test.

Speaking of stress test. . .

Still walking. . . almost every day. 3 miles! I missed a day this week because i just felt weak. . . My energy levels come in waves it seems. . .its pretty typical of anyone after major surgery. It is still the most amazing feeling . . this whole experience of getting to be more physically active than I have in years!. . I always walk with the ipod. . its become such a rich time of prayer and worship. .Every day I walk farther, or the inclines seem easier, or the pace is faster. . . I'm so amazed! so grateful! I almost am always weeping by the time I turn the corner and head home.

Still pacing. . . back into 'normal' life. . The first Sunday back to preaching was just about the most amazing blessing ever. . . it was also the longest stretch of activity that I've experienced since the surgery. . up at 6 am, preached 2 services, lots of (very gentle) hugging, Lunch with people I love, a walmart stop and home by 2 pm. . WIPED OUT. . pain meds, jammies on by 3!
I've been surprised at the challenge of just "thinking" - staying concentrated for the work of sermon prep, study, meeting prep, scheduling etc. Those brain cells have been focusing on other things for a while! I drove a few times this past week, short distances and always with the pillow belted in. . certain turns or instances are still a bit painful but its getting easier each time. Hope to take on some longer drives next week. Still will not be able to lift over 5 pounds for over another month!. . . thats even more challenging as the pain lessens. . I find myself reaching for things all the time!

Still in AWE! . . . God is so faithful!

"Touch Base" tuesday

Just touching base - The day to day progess would certainly seem boring or mundane to most but we are celebrating miracles daily! Little things - like standing up straight with diminishing pain, less coughing, higher oxygen levels, therapeutic coumadin levels. The stamina and energy to enjoy all day, every day with rarely a nap is a reality I havent experienced in a long, long time. My first trip to a grocery store in over a month was surreal! I took a daughter with me - to drive and lift - but it was just exciting to be "out"! We were there almost two hours and I was a bit wiped out. . but it is indeed a milestone and another step towards full recovery.

I'm learning that there will continue to be "issues" but not necessarily "setbacks". Over the weekend I experienced some fluid retention and swelling in feet and hands. This required an adjustment in the diuretic dosage. Many of these are common following any surgery - but increased issues in Heart surgery. I'm assured that all of these "issues" are still short term and just part of the journey.

In some way I'm still reminded every day of the fact that it will take some time for the sternum to fully fuse. Coughing, sneezing, change of positions all serve as reminders that I'm 'not there yet'! I did try to drive too far too soon and experienced quite a bit of pain as a result. We dont realize how many muscles we use to do the simplest of things.

One interesting piece of heart valve trivia is the challenge of finding a good vitamin/mineral supplement that doesnt contain vitamin K. I did find one brand name but it didnt include a lot of other things that I need - especially in trying to nurture some "richer" blood. Well some research on the Net revealed a great supplement created by someone with the same needs- its called CLOTAMIN. (of Course!) Ongoing challenges for life will be sources of Vitamin K - even in "healthy" sources - broccoli, spinach, dark greens, cauliflower, and avocados. These really are some of my favorites - but eating these challenge the ability to keep meds at therapeutic levels.

Today was another milestone in the journey as I had my last Home Care visit. I'll now make at least weekly trips to the doctors office to monitor Coumadin level (at least until I'm approved for the home monitor in 90 days).

5 weeks ago I was weak, fatiqued, and short of breath walking from the car to the door. I'm now walking 2.5 miles every day and increasing distance, speed, and stamina every day. Its the most amazing feeling!

I received my valve implant ID card in the mail today from St. Jude Medical. Another fascinating point is the sound and clicking of the mechanical valve. The
straighter I stand the louder it is. Not everyone can hear it but some can hear it very clearly, and some are very creeped out by it! Mostly I think its the most wonderful sound ever - because it means new and extended life - however, in the moments of trying to sleep it can be quite the distraction! We've had some laughs wondering if my clip on microphone at church will pick up the clicking sound through the sound system. . If so, we'll have to make sure that all hymns are played in rhythm to a pulse rate of 68-72!

This Sunday 9/7 I will return to preaching and worship. It was my goal when I first met with the surgeon. I've missed the experience of worship but have experienced the body of Christ, the church in a most beautiful way. I am so excited to be in the midst of these I love, who have loved in such generous ways. The last time I was there we shared communion - it was so emotional for me. I love them so much! This Sunday will be a re- gathering around a meal of grace! I'm suspecting that potentially the "sermon" will just be me standing there crying tears of grace and gratitude!


So much to give thanks for today! God's grace is so generous, so extravagant!

Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. Is there anyone around who can explain God? Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? Anyone who has done him such a huge favor that God has to ask his advice? Everything comes from him; Everything happens through him; Everything ends up in him. Always glory! Always praise! Yes. Yes. Yes. Romans 11:33